STAR FAUX 64 3D

Star Fox six hundred and forty three, D, the upcoming remake of Star Fox Game Watch, the 1993 time piece/game combination title, found free inside promotional boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, has been slated for release this coming 9/11, 9th of November.  Controversially, the game has moved platform, and is no longer on the best selling console, “a watch”, and is instead slated for release on the 3DS, which you can now get at the “bargain price” of £129.99, due to FAILURE.

With advanced time relay technology and innovative LCD lights, the success of watches is easy to understand.

The new game sees a radical style change for the series, with the franchise’s earlier staple, the time, being completely removed.

And this is "better", is it?

The game has an array of new features never before found in the Star Fox series, such as Barrel Rolls, inverting the Y axis with one button and spaceships. Why would anyone need to invert the Y- axis at all, never mind frequently enough to warrant its own button on the d-pad?

Also added are side quests which play out like a dating sim with RPG elements and a branching storyline, with eight different endings, most of which involve orgasm.

Screen shots confirm fan favorite Wolf O’Donnell will return in this game.

As you may remember, Wolf was the leader of the rival pilot team, Star Wolf, a band of mercenary pilots hired by Andross to stop Star Fox, before they team up for one final bash.

The above screen shots, one of fox pulling his buttocks apart to expose his anus, and the other, portraying fox as what some may call a “cum-dumpster”, are in no way symbolic of Nintendo’s business stratagem with regards to franchises or longtime fans. Nor do the images represent the company itself, in a sick metaphor for the Virtual Boy-esque tanking of the 3DS and dissapointment over the WiiU being a tablet, and being actually called the WiiU. THAT WOULD BE MORE OF A STRECH THAN FOX’S ANUS.

Peppy and Slippy’s look of despondent shock  is not in the debasing of their ally and friend, but rather that an article about Star Fox managed not to incorporate the phrase “Do a barrel roll!”

Well, almost. It is good to be back and functioning as a gay furry porn blog. Next time: The Biker Mice From Mars go hell for leather!

3DS UNSUITABLE FOR USE BY ANYONE

An update? That actually justifies use of the ‘3DS’ tag?

The Sun newspaper have undertaken a scientific experiment, probing the safety of the 3DS.

The opening scene of an innumerable amount of German “mature domination” pornography. The dialogue is the usual European raunch:

Jorgen: It’s my testicles, doctor, I found a lump on them.
Doctor: Well, that could be very serious. Pop your trousers and pants off and let’s take a look.
Jorgen: What do you think doctor?
Doctor: Yes, your testicles ARE very swollen. When was the last time you emptied them?
Jorgen: Oh heavens! Doctor Cooper, I…
Doctor: My prescription is SUCK MUMMY’S FINGER!
Jorgen: MMM…
Doctor: Make it wet, next it’s going UP YOUR DICK!

Sometimes we feel we go too far.

We assume there was a scene where they moved out to the car, and the cross eyes indicate Dr Cooper is below frame receiving the vinegar shot. Maybe they were just in the car, with no continuity, doing a different position all of a sudden. Porns do that sometimes, presumably when they get kicked out of a location before having filmed the cum-shot.

Just one more image left, you can do it!

“Seriously though Jorgen,” the doctor said softly, tugging the last globules of semen from the man’s phallus, letting the droplets fall, like snowflakes onto her ample bosom, “this could be testicular microlithiasis. Come back on Monday for a test.”

Also, is he playing it whilst walking down the street?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3511602/Sun-tests-sickly-Nintendo-3DS.html

Here’s a link to their factually questionable article, which by acknowledging, frees us from facing any potential litigious action. Hopefully.

3DS UK MIDNIGHT LAUNCH

Nintendo’s 3DS launched on Friday March 25 at midnight. The Nintendo loyal were out in force, eager to snap up a headache machine of their very own.


This man doesn’t look like a Club Nintendo member. The look in his eyes says he knows he can’t justify a £200 machine that has a two hour battery life and no games. Or he looks edgy because he’s going to follow one of the early adopters who don’t look as if they can “handle themselves”.

Sorry Gregg, but our money’s on you. Your glare isn’t threatening at all, and your perfectly spherical head and chubby chin only frame a boyishly innocent face. You might be alright if that’s your mum behind you, though. Nobody messes with you when your mum’s about. We can’t get our mum to go to midnight hardware launches with us, and are therefore more prone to being relieved of our expensive new hardware at knife-point. In 3D!

Buying Nintendogs is a sign of weakness and will get you robbed. The killer app for 3DS is Nintendogs, which has cats in it this time round. Golden Retriever and French Bulldog confirmed, cat details pending.

With all this talk of FIGHTING off muggers on the STREET, you’d think a Street Fighter joke would be good. IT WOULD BE SHIT, YOU KNOW NOTHING.

We would pay £400 for these two. Even just to watch. Was in bed by Midnight on Friday, having wanked to sleep to a similar video to the picture above, found on WankDB. Pictures of the wank are available by special request only.