BAN THIS DICK FILTH

Didactic moralizing. That’s how we’ll get popular!

Didactic moralizing and “memes” that were never very popular in the first place. That’s how we’ll get popular.

Saints Row: The Third is a sick computerized rape simulation that teaches your children to have sex with gimp prostitutes, then beat them to death with disgustingly oversized male genitals (penis and testicles), and KILLING THEM to get your money back in order to score “bonus points”.

The twisted rape simulation also shows a man-whore who is being kept alive and is forced to masturbate over the carnage, while images of naked children intermittently flash on screen.

The Japanese game has been announced after the disaster ravaged country sent toxic nuclear gas through the cracks of BROKEN BRITAIN. Only our MPs can stop this paedo filth from doing the same.

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3DS UK MIDNIGHT LAUNCH

Nintendo’s 3DS launched on Friday March 25 at midnight. The Nintendo loyal were out in force, eager to snap up a headache machine of their very own.


This man doesn’t look like a Club Nintendo member. The look in his eyes says he knows he can’t justify a £200 machine that has a two hour battery life and no games. Or he looks edgy because he’s going to follow one of the early adopters who don’t look as if they can “handle themselves”.

Sorry Gregg, but our money’s on you. Your glare isn’t threatening at all, and your perfectly spherical head and chubby chin only frame a boyishly innocent face. You might be alright if that’s your mum behind you, though. Nobody messes with you when your mum’s about. We can’t get our mum to go to midnight hardware launches with us, and are therefore more prone to being relieved of our expensive new hardware at knife-point. In 3D!

Buying Nintendogs is a sign of weakness and will get you robbed. The killer app for 3DS is Nintendogs, which has cats in it this time round. Golden Retriever and French Bulldog confirmed, cat details pending.

With all this talk of FIGHTING off muggers on the STREET, you’d think a Street Fighter joke would be good. IT WOULD BE SHIT, YOU KNOW NOTHING.

We would pay £400 for these two. Even just to watch. Was in bed by Midnight on Friday, having wanked to sleep to a similar video to the picture above, found on WankDB. Pictures of the wank are available by special request only.